SweetWater Dank Tank Series
Dank Tank Series – A series of rarely release beers from the dark side of our brewers souls. These one hitters are only released a few times are year and are in very short supply so get em while the getting is good.
Red Hot Mama – October ’13
The Red Hot Mama from Yakima was one bad *itch, running through farmers like they were her personal toys. She especially had her way with our old buddy Vinny from Van Horn Farms and left him drained in the field as she hitched her way out of town with a dress full of fresh hops.
This Red Hot Mama was not one to mess with. She hooked up with a Harley Gang, and made her way down to Atlanta looking for a soul to steal. She met her match with El Danko, and the two of them got nasty in the brewhouse together; clothes and hops were flying all over the place. The load of fresh centennial hops was dropped, and Nick Nock scrambled to use ‘em as they smelled extra dank! After hosing off, El Danko showed her the door. He knew he didn’t have enough left in him for another round.
Ride on, Red Hot Mama. Girl, you sure look good to me!
The Price is Wrong – August ’13
Workin’ as a caddy at Bushwood, El Danko was stoked to ﬁnd out he would be shouldering Boob Barker’s bag. Figuring Boob was a swell guy who liked to have fun, El Danko slipped an exploding golf ball onto the ﬁrst tee. Boob was so enraged after the ball blew, he threw a haymaker at El Danko and broke his high heel. Fearing a big lawsuit and being hammered in the tabloids, Boob offered him a rigged spot on the Price is Wrong to keep him quiet. Sure enough, down in Studio City 42 days later, Rod Roddy bellowed out to El Danko “C’mon down!” He was ecstatic as they wheeled out some fancy leather chaps and some extra crisping hair mousse, which he just purchased last week. Bidding $420 on the lot, El Danko nailed it! With a kiss from Barker ’s Beauties as the bonus, he strutted on stage and with a wink he gave a slap on the ass to Boob Barker himself.
On to the big prize, El Danko was confronted with the infamous Cliff Hanger climb! Just as the yodeler was about to cliff dive off the ledge, he came to a screeching halt. The Dankster had pulled it off, winning the prize behind Door #2: Pimpin’ high heels and some private time behind Curtain #3 with Ester-y, the Belgian Barker Beauty, who 9 months later delivered the biggest surprise of all! Blam!!! El Danko is a dad living in Belgium. Jobless, he got a gig at Ester-y’s family brewery to pay for his Price is Wrong love child, Bar nold Schwarzenkegger. The Boob Barker Belgian Behemoth Boogieboy. Benjoy!
Some Strange – April ’13
Living large with his 7 year squeeze, Capt. Danky was suddenly blindsided as he discovered General Betrayus under the sheets with his ho. Unstable,delirious, and in desperate need of relief, he headed to the Cheetah to drown his sorrows with a few motorboats. After his wallet was drained by a lovely dental hygienist student, she whispered in his ear the 411 on a swinging late night dance club called Johnny’s Hideaway where he might get lucky. Wearing his big boy pants, he jumped in the first cab and beelined it to the hopeful honey hole. A Stupefied Capt. Danky slipped in and was immediately pounced on by the house mama who set her meat hooks into him to do a little dirty dancing. Capt. Danky was swept off his feet by this big ol’ beauty and lured back to her cougar den for some Danky Spanky.Capt. Danky awoke with an ear to ear hickey and massive claw marks on his chest, back,and sack-a-jo-wia. He slowly rolled over and uncrusted his eyes, hoping to figure out what was saddled up next to him under the leopard skins heets. As his vision cleared, he gagged, learning he had “seasoned” a big fat black double IPA.Horrified, he grabbed his ring off the nightstand and jumped out the window before it was awakened ready for round two. Here’s to hoping his buddies never discover his bag-age.
16 So Fine – February ’13
All grown up for now, or at least in our minds we are. Hair in new spots, lawn jobs at school, proficient in poaching 2nd story windows, and most importantly, we got a license to ride.
Speaking of the ride – the last sixteen years have been a blur, but a very good blur – like driving 140 mph and trying to focus on a single tree in the forest. Yup – blurrrrr. All along not forgetting who we are, where we came from, and where we’re going! The speedometer ain’t pegged, cause it says 180!
For our super heady 16 year anni beer we stepped on the gas and headed down the road less traveled! Our B-day present to ourselves is a Racy Red Wheat Wine Ale Racy Red Wheat Wine Ale Racy Red Wheat Wine Ale Racy Red Wheat Wine Ale. Sucker! The SSAB “not a SAAB” rips down the road at 11% ABV fueled by a 45% wheat bomb with an afterburner hop shot of Amarillo, Willamette, Nelson Sauvignon, and US Goldings that pushes this baby to the limit of sensory overload.
Get in. Sit down. Hold on. Shut up.
A little older and a little less wise, even better looking (after 10 beers) and yes, still acting like 16 year olds.
Your parents out of town?
The Gimp – Dec ’12
A wide open Old Ale, The Gimp gags up Alc. 10.3% by Vol. and is bred to be stashed in a Dank dark cellar only tobe brought out for your most“special” guests! This full-bodied Gimp gives off sweet scents of caramel and toffee and, as legend has it,warm undertones of malt and alcohol balanced by low voltage doses of hops delivering a SHOCKER you’ll actually wan t to receive.Don’t keep The Gimp’s leash too tight, as he will mellow with age and become more experienced the longer he stays locked up in the cellar.Bring out The Gimp!
Danktoberfest – Early October 2012
Ich Bin Ein Lager
White Krones was working on SweetWater’s brewhouse, which they were 3 months behind schedule on (that part is true), on of their sour kraut engineers drove a gabelstapler over Mr. Dank’s toe and broke it. Limping and angepisst, Mr. Dankenschnitzel jump a flug to Krohns HR in Deutschland to pick up his large siedlung check. Looking to quell his T pain, Dank beelined it to Oktoberfest in Munchen and into the arms of a friendly fraulein who quickly uber servient him. Stumbling blindly, Herr Dankenschnitchzle, laden in lederhosen and longingly looking for a lovely loo, humpelte into the Bitterburger Brewery to drain the main vein. Unable to hold it any longer, DankenGuender feuer abgespritzt all over the control panel, short circuiting their infamous Oktoberfest bier. The beer no longer fit the rhinobutt purity law, so Hans and Franz kicked his arsch out of the mother land and told Danky doodle dandy to take that mischmasch back to SubWasseer with him.
Fresh Sticky Nugs – Early Nov 2011
After 4 days of being pinned to the vines, he thought he was a goner. Believing he was hallucinating as every woodland creature, horny toad, and Sasquatch rushed past his stuck self, he suddenly became petrified as he witnessed a million army ants marching his way devouring everything in their path. He said one last Hail Mary as the ants began to chew on him and the vines. With one final gasp, he jerked free and hauled balls out of the field with biting ants and sticky hops covering his pruned body. Desperately in search of ant bite relief he belly flopped in the 1st oasis he saw, which was a fermenter at SweetWater. Fuddied up, el Danko’s teabag plunge turned this brew into a double red from the bleeding ant bites, and dry hopped this bad boy from the fresh Nugget hops that were stuck to his pitiful self.
Malts: 2-row, Wheat, Munich, Chocolate
Hops: Nugget, Columbus, Centennial,
with Fresh Nugget dry hop
Beginning Gravity: 19.5 Plato
Final Gravity: 5 Plato
ABV: 8.0% IBU’s: 130
Ghoulash – Early Oct 2011
Warning: We don’t know what style
it is either. Enjoy and Good Luck!
Alone and cold on a frigid fall night, the evil Dr. Dank’s stomach rumbled. It had been days since devouring the last of his trannies and platypuseses. Desperate, he wandered into his kitchen only to find a 3-eyed rat, yellow toenails, and an old bean burrito. Always resourceful, Dr. Dank remembered his great, great, bouffalata, granny goose’s Ghoulash recipe. Try as he might, he couldn’t get it right, so he dumped everything he could find from the fridge and cupboard into one giant boiling brew, resulting in this stew of 2-row, black wheat, munich malt and a 14-hop variety asplifidation of Willamette, Galena, Mt. Hood, Nugget, Perle, Aroma, Bobek, Aurora, Styrian, Golding, Magnum, Columbus, Summit, Millennium, and Crystal. Sloppy seconds never tasted so ghood!
Malts: 2-row, Munich, & Midnight Wheat
Hops: Willamette, Galena, Mt. Hood, Nugget, Perle,
Aroma, Bobek, Aurora, Styrian Golding, Magnum,
Columbus, Summit, Millenium, Crystal (14 total)
Beginning Gravity: 21 Plato
Final Gravity: 5 Plato ABV: 8.5% IBU’s: 167
Our beer is unpasteurized and best within 90 days. That is why we only sell SweetWater in a few lucky cities throughout the southeast. Fresh is best, and tastiest so look on our kegs, cases, and bottles and check the date - that date you see is 90 days from when it was kegged or bottled. SweetWater doesn't spoil like milk, but after 90 days, it won't have that incredibly fresh vibrant taste we were intending for you. So make sure you check it twice and let folks know if it is past its prime - let us know too!
We have a girl whose full time job is cruising the southeast checking in on our little guys to make sure you have the best SweetWater possible. She is also known as the Hop Cop! Let the Hop Cop know what you found, what the date was and where you found it so we get it taken care of. We are only as good as our last beer, and we really appreciate the extra set of eyes and taste buds out there! She can be found at the brewery 404-691-2537 or at firstname.lastname@example.org